Losing My Identity: The Disillusionment of Self

For almost a decade, my life revolved around a spiritual path. It shaped everything, how I dressed, how I spoke, the people I surrounded myself with, even the art I created. It wasn’t just an influence, it was me. Or at least, I thought it was.

But when I recently tried to step away from it, I felt lost. It was like pulling a thread and watching the whole fabric of my identity unravel. If I wasn’t this person, then who was I?

I always believed that spirituality was about dissolving identities, about moving beyond the ego. But now I see I just traded one identity for another. Earlier, I might have measured myself by achievements or material things. Now, it was by simplicity, discipline, and detachment. But isn’t that still an attachment? A subtler, more deceptive kind?

I still have my practices, my sadhana. But now I find myself wondering, are they truly for my inner growth, or have they become another thing to define myself by? If I hold on to them too tightly, am I really free?

This realization has left me in a strange space. I have nothing to hold on to, no solid ground. But maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe the real journey isn’t about finding a new identity or shedding the old one, it’s about being okay with having none at all.

Right now, I don’t have answers. Just a quiet, unsettling space where certainty used to be. And maybe, for now, that’s exactly where I need to be.