The Goddess Who Rewrote My Calendar: A Compassionate Call to Kamakhya

I have always believed that you don’t visit Kamakhya; the Goddess decides when it is time for you to arrive. For years, I had longed to go, but the gates remained closed. Then, the "Timing" began to move through a stranger on Instagram...a singer who had bought my art and, in a casual conversation about Devi, whispered the invitation: "You should definitely go."

Two days later, the logistics fell into place. Her husband, Mukund, was traveling in two weeks; I could join him. I was thrilled, until I looked at my calendar.

The trip collided exactly with my menstrual cycle.

The Internal War

Even as I have worked to uncoil myself from the "False Keys" of my upbringing, the conditioning of "impurity" still held a shadow over me. I felt an old unease. I didn't want to fight my body while trying to find the Goddess. So, I did the only thing a daughter can do: I laid my heart at Her feet.

"If You truly want me there," I told Her before I slept, "give me a sign."

I woke up the next morning to the signature of Her response. My cycle had begun...fourteen days in advance. My first instinct was to call a doctor. My second was to laugh. The "Sign" wasn't a whisper; it was a biological clearance. Devi wasn't demanding a "Tantric rebellion" from me; She was being profoundly compassionate. She was saying: “I see your worry. I will move the obstacles for you. Now, come home.”

The Dark Blast of Bhairavi

The experience of Kamakhya was surreal. I spent my days in the temple complex, wrapped in the protective mandala of the Soundarya Lahari, doing my japa. Thanks to the organized arrangements by Mukund anna, who by then had become like my older brother, the path was cleared, we moved right into the heart of the shrine.

But the real rewire happened in the shrines of the Dasa Mahavidyas.

When we stepped into the shrine of Bhairavi, the world went pitch black. The intensity was so high it felt like a physical blast against my face. Mukund anna and I looked at each other at the exact same moment; no words were needed. We both felt the presence...dark, deep, mysterious, and terrifyingly alive. It was a frequency that bypassed the mind and struck the bone.

The Baba of the Cliffs

The trek from the Koti Linga shrine, led us away from the crowds, down a path most people don't take, to the Siddhi Ganesh shrine nestled in a thick jungle overlooking the humongous Brahmaputra river. There, we met a Baba who offered us tea.

He spoke of tigers and beings that visit the cliffside, his voice steady and calm. Then, he said something that still makes the hair on my arms stand up:

"If you had the vision that I have right now, and you looked around, you wouldn't stay here for another moment."

I didn't know whether to sit or run. We stayed. We finished our tea. As we began to climb back up, I turned for one last look at the shrine nestled between the trees. In that moment, the Baba stood up and untied his dreadlocks. I watched, stunned, as they uncoiled and touched the ground.

The Travel Agent for Grace

I left Kamakhya feeling whole. I realized that the Goddess doesn't need us to be "holy" by the rules of men; She needs us to be available.

Over the last two years, I haven't returned, but I have become a sort of "Authorized Courier" for Her. I’ve arranged trips for dozens of friends and family, passing on taxi contacts, stay recommendations, and pooja bookings.

I find fulfillment in simply clearing the path for them, just as She cleared the 14 days for me.